Martha: After the Show Rotating Header Image

The “Sandwich Generation” - It’s no Picnic!

I always had these very romanticized visions that my parents would be living in the home I grew up in and I’d drive over to their house on the weekends with my kids to visit and have a little Sunday Dinner and bake cookies.  Then there’s real life.

Instead, my children are still just 12 and 9 years-old but my parents are 82 and 89-years-old. The golden years happened before my kids were even born. I”m the youngest of five kids and I’m finding myself in the very demanding position of being part of the “Sandwich Generation”. Adults still raising their children but also caretakers for their aging parents. I’ll tell you what, it’s no place for sissies!

When my parents asked if they could live with me and my two children five years ago, I didn’t hesitate. We’ve always had a great relationship and I knew I had the stamina and the where-with-all to help take care of them.  But I have to admit we had a plan in place before anyone moved and we had made contractual agreements, as well as talking at length about sharing the same home and what our expectations would be. Even with all these things in place there are lots of twists and turns and some of them you just can’t plan for.

I have to say you’re really never prepared as the roles between you and your parents start to get switched. The child now becomes the head-of-household, decision maker, confidant and support system.  You have to know your parents finances, health records, insurance information, and advanced directives (or living will). It’s a very delicate balance to treat them as your parents and still be willing to take charge and step in when they can’t.

You need to have great coping skills and be able to switch back and forth between the fast-paced world of your children and the snails pace of your parents. You can physically feel yourself slowing down and speeding up depending on which generation you’re dealing with. And often times you’ll find yourself playing referee between your parents disagreements, just like they used to do for you when you were a kid with your brothers and sisters.    

I know they call it the “Sandwich Generation” because you’re stuck between generations and you are. So before you take a bite, you’d better decide if you’re going to savor it… all the moments good and bad. If you lose focus of all the wonderful people that “sandwich” you… all you can see are the invading ants and then the picnic is over!

  • Share/Bookmark

Is there an “Alcohol Culture” ?

First of all, as long as I’ve lived here, which is some 20 years now…. I’ll never get used to these river drownings. I understand that there are some inherent dangers that come with living in a river town, but most of these are absolutely preventable. So what do we do? I wanted to weigh in on this really important topic because as a community member, mom and someone who covers these stories it’s important that we look for some real answers to protect our kids.

I didn’t grow up here and in this case it gives me a different perspective on this topic. I grew up in Columbus, Ohio. I graduated from Ohio State University when the drinking age was still 18. Columbus and the OSU campus are on the Scioto River and the Olentangy River. A very popular brewery district is right nearby, plus we have a street full of bars right on campus. Not to mention a very popular “Oktoberfest” and German Village which is the largest privately funded historic district on the National Register of Historic Places. The two cities have a lot in common.

However, the issue of young adults falling in the river and drowning after a night out isn’t a problem. Which begs the question why?
I don’t want to oversimplify this, because it could be a combination of things. However, I do believe the way alcohol is used in La Crosse is different than where I grew up… a difference in cultures.
For instance, on the radio in La Crosse earlier this week callers were talking about this very problem. One listener even called in to say that the results of alcohol analysis would show a 160 pound man would have “only” had to have had 10 drinks to get to a .28 level. The listener actually talked about these ten drinks as not being an uncommon amount to have in one evening or during an event. When I was going to college in Ohio this would have been an extreme amount to drink. When we’d go out 2 or 3 drinks would be considered the norm. And you would usually spread them out between non-alcoholic drinks. And even way back when I was in college we already used designated drivers, even though they weren’t called that then. The person not drinking and driving was in charge of making sure everyone else in the group got home safely.
Safety Measure: Why not try spacing out drinks with non-alcoholic ones and designate that one sober person in advance on a regular basis.

There are other differences in alcohol use I’ve noticed too. Bartenders in the La Crosse area tend to be a “heavy pour”. In fact, it almost seems like the bartenders feel like they are doing you a favor or being more gracious if they put two or three shots in a drink versus just the one that’s called for. I was a bartender from 18-23 years-old and we were taught to specifically be one shot pours so people knew what they were getting and because it cuts into profits. It was considered “burning” the drink if it was too heavy of a pour because you couldn’t taste the other parts that make the drink.

Safety Measure: As a consumer, really stress to your bartender or waitress that you want a “lighter pour” so you aren’t getting more than you bargained for and can keep an accurate accounting of how much you’ve had to drink.

Let’s change our thinking about alcohol. When I was 7 months pregnant (obviously pregnant) with my first child I sat at the bar at a local restaurant while we waited for our table. Keep in mind this is 13 years ago… but when I ordered a soda the bartender told me they save the bar for their “drinking” customers. When I told him I was pregnant and couldn’t order alcohol, he just said “One drink never hurt anybody.” It’s almost as if there is an intolerance for non-drinkers!

Now obviously, not every bartender would do this. However, it’s important to note that some people don’t seem to know that no alcohol use is recommended during pregnancy.

Safety measure: Treat non-alcoholic drinkers well, they could be pregnant, recovering alcoholics, already had their limit of alcoholic drinks for the night or a designated driver!

I have lived in four different states and many cities in those states and this is the first place where I experienced drinking by adults at kids parties too. Where I grew up you didn’t serve adults alcohol at kid’s birthday parties, it’s just unheard of and not done, not considered appropriate. Right or wrong it was a difference in culture for me.

Safety Measure: Let’s show kids that alcohol does not have to be part of every get together in order for it to be a party.

On this same note, this is the only community I’ve lived in where it’s typical for wedding parties to go bar hopping in between the wedding and the reception, sometimes for hours!

Safety Measure: Schedule the reception directly following the wedding, it could be a lot safer for you and your guests. No one wants their wedding day highlighted by tragedy.

Now keep in mind, in the community where I grew up there were other factors at play too. We had state liquor stores and “dry areas” that the local communities could vote on. So if a community decided that there could be no alcohol sold within so many blocks of a school or neighborhood that’s the way it was. There were still plenty of taverns and bars, but the combination of alcohol flowing and having a river flowing through town wasn’t this deadly combination.

I wanted to point out these differences not because I think one city is better than the other, but because it may take a combination of behavior changes and a sweeping deemphasis of alcohol in our socializing.

One last observation, La Crosse has the “Tapping of the Golden Keg” to begin its Oktoberfest, the Columbus Oktoberfest begins with the official “Breaking of the Pretzel”.

  • Share/Bookmark

Time for a Garage Sale Yet?

I keep staring at the inside of my garage wondering where all the stuff came from. I actually think when you turn the lights out that my kids toys are mysteriously multiplying. I know, I know you’ll say “just have a garage sale”. I hate having garage sales! Then I have to spend two weekends just cleaning the garage to make it clean enough for public viewing, not to mention all the organizing and labeling just for strangers to dicker with you over 2-dollar items. I don’t find it fun or satisfying in any way. And how about the challenge of  getting your kids to part with any of their stuffed toys, broken crayons, or half colored in coloring books. You help your kids go through about 75-100 items to get them to give up four things. And then Lord help you if a neighbor finds out you’re having a garage sale, now you have to have a group or neighborhood sale. Now, you have to bake cookies and have your kids sell drinks to make it more of an event. Then before you know it your kids have taken some of the garage sale proceeds and started buying the neighbor’s junk.  Stop the madness!

Thank God for Goodwill and Salvation Army! They let you pull up, drop-off your stuff without ever needing to see your garage and hand you a receipt. I love those guys.

  • Share/Bookmark

Winter Fun or Just Staying Warm

I don’t know about everybody else, but there are days that I’m just trying to stay warm. It’s so cold to me that I wouldn’t dream of snowmobiling, skating, skiing or sledding. As soon as the single digits hit, I’m thinking about reading a book, renting a movie, making a new dinner recipe or baking. And then I’ll see some jogger plugging along on a trail, seemingly enjoying themselves. I don’t know if I’m ridiciulous for staying inside or they’re crazy for being out there! What does everyone else do to have fun outside in this cold or keep yourself busy inside? This is going to be a long winter so any suggestions are welcome!

  • Share/Bookmark

Flying High Above La Crosse

I had a great chance this past weekend to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather by plane! My friend Marty was kind enough to take my kids and me about 3,000 feet above the coulee region. What a way to see it! Just a four seater Cessna… but a lot more fun than a big plane because you can really see everything and he even let me take the controls. Yeah, I was surprised too. I can see how flying can be so addicting.

 By the way, when you see what the DNR did building new habitats for wildlife near Brownsville, it makes a lot more sense from up high, it’s a much different perspective. I’m going to have to talk Marty into that again sometime, when the leaves are still on the trees or boats are back on the river.

  • Share/Bookmark